Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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