Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
