Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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