I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
