some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
