My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
