I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
