Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
