Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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