i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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