it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
