I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
