How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
