ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
