I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
