Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
