But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
