My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I am spending my child support on dildos
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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