I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
