Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
