I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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