what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
