i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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