Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
