I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
