Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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