The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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