he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
