Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
