well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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