No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
