haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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