My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
