The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
love makes seman taste better
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize