how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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