I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
