I can text with my tongue
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
