god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
