worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
