some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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