Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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