Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize