You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You're like the curious george of whores
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
