I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
