please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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