hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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