He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
