i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize