your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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