Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.