i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat