I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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