Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
