eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
