I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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