any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We don't watch enough power rangers
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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