I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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