He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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